I am Thompson Boy

It's not conventional. Then again everything about you is anything but conventional. There is something deeper and darker behind the veneer of a beautiful smile that I first saw so many moons ago in Berlin. I’ve asked myself then who is that beautiful person? But like many guys before you, I just walked away feeling undeserving of anything seemingly better than I am. And I like it that you are deeper than what you appeared to be. You are too beautiful for words, not perfect but beautiful to me. But who would have thought? Here we are many months later, talking, gotten to know each another better and then what? What do I want from you? Maybe a lot more than what you can offer. I tried for months to understand this arrangement. We are not dating and don’t get me wrong, I am not even rushing for a boyfriend or a relationship nor am I so worried about putting a status or label to something but this is new territory for me. We are friends but then again being this far apart...

The break that I took from writing and also from just being with anyone other than my friends and sexual encounters have served me well. It gave me time to think and also see how other's are doing and sometimes I wish I could bitch slap the hell out of some people. Esp gay people and their indulgence in the ugly art of self pity. And all because of one or two episodes of heartbreak and they so called lost the love of their life. Or will never find love again. This coupled with carefully selected soundtrack and song. Anyone who uses that term to begin with will spell trouble. Need to get those silly romantic storybook notion slapped out of their head. Relationships can be fun but it's not an easy thing. Sometimes it work, sometimes it doesn't. I have yet to encounter any that is working for myself but I don't go around feeling sorry for myself that I lost my one great love thinking that it would never happen again. What I do want to never happen again is probably some ...

If there's one thing that I love in my life, that would be documentaries. I remembered back in the days when I really relish to chance to catch any episodes of National Geographic Explorer and the first thing that I made mandatory when I subscribed to cable TV was to get the documentary pack. In fact, I used to subscribe to NatGeo but those were the days...it's all about digital these days. It was during those years that I yearn to visit Egypt - I am a big Egyptology and history freak. I suppose it doesn't cost that much and so perhaps one day I will be able to fulfil a childhood dream. It isn't that safe to visit these days so who knows. It's one of those episodes that I first found out about Varanasi and it felt great to visit that place, finally. Beyond the places to go and see which I do still like, there are other subjects that I like - anything apart from automobile, machinary, guns etc...typical boy stuff, I find it disintresting though airplanes and the...

The thing about being with your friends is that you sometimes blur the line of what you should or should not say as you usually intend the best for them and I do not believe in the type of friendship of calculating down to the 45cents and leaving them to their own devices whenever it suits me. Though some so called 'friends' that I have seen actually do that. People are strange, yes I know. So it has came to my attention that a friend indeed is going through something and as a so called half decent person, you would ask how the condition is and little would you expect to be called suffocating. The funny thing is that friend chooses to tell anyone and everyone who cared including her family about the condition - just like the way she do all the time and would it be too much to expect people asking about it then for updates? I have came to the conclusion that she wants the attention as and when it suits her. Another friend agreed. The new me would probably give her a piece or...

There is something about the power of imagination and human mind that is so powerful that it creates idea and images of what can come. Many a times, these creations centres around the idea of how great life would be if only...(fill the blanks with whatever that you want or need at that moment, be it men, clothes, money etc etc) and just dream the hours if not days away. We often dream and think about how things can better when we are stuck in a rut if only we have someone to take us away, literally in a land far far away and dare we hope, live happily ever after. Like it not, no matter how strong or sensible you are, everyone is guilty at one point or another in their life when they imagined the possibilities of being saved by a knight with PR and credit cards. And it doesn't help when things like this actually happened to some people you know or some people that your friend knew and you just couldn't help but wondered why it has yet to land on your lap as well? I mean, hel...

It's funny that once you're back, all you could think about are the contradictions. One day you are driving in the open road, with fabulous views of the mountain on the left and vast lake on the right and before you know it, you are stucked in a non moving traffic which is the equivalent of a massive carpark. And then you are stuck back in the same room with no view and thinking to yourself how long do you have to do this? Is it worth it anymore and of course the answer is no. But there's just so much to do and in order not to sound ungrateful you just get the week over and done with and then look forward to soaking in the sun over the weekend. What else can one do anyway? I know for myself, I need to weather through this year with so many plans albeit hanging in the air for next. Then out of nowhere I find myself wanting something. Yes at 30-something there is still something that you wish you have and I realised that it's been so long but I miss the feeling of tou...

So I spent a good half of yesterday jostling between looking for the history of Valentino and getting all warm and passionate about red - there is something absolutely enchancting about the color red and this documentary on Tom Ford which I've found absolutely enlightening - yes there is actually something to learn despite the superficiality of the fashion industry. I know I have loved and abandoned and loved Tom (A Single Man) time and time again. Some people think he is a God and some think he's an arrogant douche who oversexualized the 90s and has gone passed his prime. 1. Like all gay men, we are hopelessly attracted to beauty Be it fashion or men, they are all no good and at the end of the day, everything changes and fades. It's ok to love beautiful things but it's almost as important to understand that it will never last and what is more important is your love ones and family. I believe allowing myself to actually love superficial items is a first step towards ...

This explains why I still keep the exes or bitches who dumped me on my list.

#DatingIs Appearing interested when she talks about the Ex. Yawnz. #DatingIs Checking your phone. Every 29 seconds. #DatingIs Saying 'Yes' to things you always say 'No fucking way' to. #DatingIs Losing your appetite and self-esteem, and wondering why everything is okay only when she's around. Why.So.Loser. #DatingIs Mentally and physically preparing for situations that lead to nudity. #DatingIs Losing sleep, getting distracted at work, losing control. Remember the 'wrecking your life' part? #DatingIs Basically er....waiting for the other person to call. #DatingIs Trapping yourself in a vicious cycle of hope, joy, desire, lust, ecstasy, torment, and self-loathing. Does she/he love me at all #DatingIs Cautiously searching for someone who will wreck your life. Not dating anyone yet but just saying...and my fav of all would be #DatingIs Like Instagram. The right filter changes everything. Source: https://twitter.com/TommyWee

Not bad, and this coming from me. The bitter tranny queen of the universe. Please share this with friends and loved ones. Donate to put on Australian tv: http://tiny.cc/gkuwp Sign petition: http://www.getup.org.au/marriagematters

The thing about me these days is that I am really lazy to be bothered with anytime. On one end, I would like to be on a new relationship, while the other I am feeling like it's alot of work with money and time to be spent and thinking about it gives me the shivers. It's not like I am opposed to the idea but I really salute you boys out there - how do you do it? So much effort is needed. It really takes all of me to even get one started and that didn't even lead me anywhere close to good. But having said that, I did think there was some good or rather there is always good no matter how toxic a relationship was/is. For example, if your partner complain about your bad eating habits, lack of fashion sense, rudeness and etc etc, you would try to make the effort to be better. And that itself turns you into a better person. Even if it's for him...you are indirectly doing it for yourself, no? Of course it's fine a line between changing for the sake for others and not until ...

(Yes, it seems like I do have alot of opinions and one matter or another but that's just what a blog is about - me, me and more me. What's on my mind and all that crap...anyway) Open relationships So like, I've been picking up some books here and there and being the cheapskate that I am, sometimes I do pick up my friends' book. It's really interesting because the decision has always been made for you. After all, wondering into a store with so many possibilities one can really be confused by it all. I mean how long can you stick back to the same author before his/her books run out? And then what? NY Times best seller list? Trust the critics? I don't know. So anyway, her usual bunch of selections are usually crime and thriller infested so I don't think too much of it until I flicked through and found this particular book by this author that I can't even pronounce at first glance. It's almost unbelieveable - Armistead Maupin and the book is pret...

My room has been very nasty and I am suspecting that the return of my bad sinuses is due to the accumulation of dust and please don't ask me when's the last time I actually aired the pig sty but let's just put it this way, there are small little dust bunnies. Yes, ewww. So as I was throwing things around, I noticed that my reed diffuser is running really low. The thing about me is that of late I have been investing on proper stuff like the diffuser, candles and etc, it's really relaxing and though the China man in me keeps nagging me for 'burning money', I truly think this is one of those small luxury in life that keeps me grounded, satisfied and happy. After all, I don't spend like crazy monies on them. Just a tiny bit. Everything else is stuffed into savings and bags. Naturally. Back to the diffuser, it's actually Clean/Fresh Cotton scent - there is something very beautiful, relaxing and satisfying about the smell about clean and crisp sheets tha...

I was caught by surpise one day during after work drinks to find out that a friend's friend had a major cruch on this writer of mine. I shouldn't use the term mine cause technically he doesn't belong to me and you'll have to excuse me because there are a couple of people who works exclusively with me and I usually use my this and my that. Anyway back to the topic - yes, so a friend's gay friend is really into him. And mind you, my writer is straight and married. And I thought I was the one only. I am not saying crush as much as a fan but yes, I do find him very interesting. He is smart and funny. Always comes out with great ideas and make me laugh. Really from the looks and all, you wouldn't look at him twice but after knowing him - he is like the most amazing person you'll ever meet and he's always sweet to everyone - I guess esp to the gays. Really, you can't help but fall for his sweetness. No worries cause I am not the deluded type, I enjoy his c...

So I was in a situation that I felt like there is not much of a choice. Well to think about it again, there is always a choice. Just that whatever choice that I choose seemed to be no good for me. Case in point was the BOY posted a picture of his car, quite smashed up. I didn't know what to think. We were involved in a minoraccident when we were together and I can imagined how panickey he can get about it. Though he more gracious about it after compared to me. He is a careful driver but lousy. Especially under pressure. But the latest accident happened and he is alive enough to share it with everyone so I figured I couldn't be bothered. Besides he chosed not to give me his number after I lost all my contacts so why should I initiate contact, right? Then when I ask someone whom I am quite ok close to about him, she didn't know about the accident. All she mentioned was that he still talks about me now and then. Ok fine. So what do I do? Do I hate him that much to wish him ill...

On a Saturday night...... I get along without you very well Of course, I do Except when soft rains fall And drip from leaves Then I recall The thrill of being sheltered in your arms Of course, I do But I get along without you very well I've forgotten you just like I should Of course, I have Except to hear your name Or someone's laugh that is the same But I've forgotten you just like I should What a guy What a fool am I To think my breaking heart Could kid the moon What's in store Should I phone once more No, it's best that I stick to my tune I get along without you very well Of course, I do Except perhaps in Spring But I should never think of Spring For that would surely break my heart in two What's in store Should I phone once more No, it's best that I stick to my tune I get along without you very well Of course, I do Except perhaps in Spring But I should never think of Spring For that would surely break my heart in two Find out more

So on the subject of father that I find many sore points, not just from me but from my experience and what I see around me. But then that's expected anyway, mothers are a lot closer to to the sons and esp gay sons and its even more difficult to have some sort of decent relationship with your male parent if you are gay. I am no doctor or expert so I won't go down the road of analysing the whys and hows but I do have to say that maybe some of the things that the so called expert said are true. Well, who knows since I don't really try and dwell in such things. I rather just get on with it and move on. My philosophy is very much of I don't disturb you, you don't disturb me and we shall live happily ever after. Don't get me wrong, my old man did alot for me and I wouldn't be the person and where I am without his help. Alot of his help but great relationship between us was and is never ever going to happen. One has to at least accept that to move on and make thing...

I just want to continue from where I left off on changing and changes. One of the biggest issue that I had with HIM (the so called ex) was that he felt I was changing to suit him alot - since when it's bad thing eh? But seriously when you are with someone, there's such thing called compromise and I believe changes is one of it. You have no choice but to shed certain things about yourself which to be truthful not very nice. I always believe in changing for better - sure you are not yourself anymore but who is, with experiences and ages, no one stays the same forever so the arguement of me changing and not being myself is pretty much BS. While I was doing all the change, it took me awhile to see that he was changing and even if he was, it was for the worst. Before we got together, he didn't own an iPhone. After getting one, comes all the Grindr shit. Yes, I call it shit because he never lay his eyes or attention off it. The thing that irritates me most is not that because he...

That's the thing about me - while I might gag at the most superificial sugary sweet fake scenes from movies, I can still appreciate romances as and when it comes. That also doesn't make a 100% grinch as yet, I still believe in love and things sometimes do happen. So joining billions of viewers last Friday, I was deemed unavailable at work (almost changed my out of office email status) and parked myself at one of the room with Astro and sat there watching the live telecast of that wedding while bitching away with another friend about the fashion and the faux pas. It was indeed a beautiful ceremony and I can't understand why people have to be grinchy about - just as much as I can't understand why people would want to line up for a product that cost just the same if you buy it today or tomorrow - it's all marketing tactic, limit the quantity and suddenly everyone turns into the zombie for the cult of Jobs. Anyway, as usual I digress. So it's abit of wedding overkil...

Sometimes it feels like you are the only one in the world and it seems like your problem is the only problem in the world but as you go along, you will notice that other people with the right sensible mind faces what you face as well...as a single late 20something going 30something gay man going about making sense of the world. In general, I found that gay men, most of them fall into this category, quote unquote from another blogger: "that pair of shoes, that I-phone, Grinder, dating this and dating that, going to market place, being noticed in Facebook, and wishing someelse would give me his heart, sex, people gaining more fans, or either somebody wanted some photographer to take their picture and enter the hall of fame, or somebody wanted to get into a chinese hunk contest" I think what's missing from that list would be the gyming, body perfection part which annoys the hell out of me - but then again what can I say? to each is their own isn't it? And then...