I am Thompson Boy

It's funny. These days I don't really feel like I need to say much or let it out. There is nothing to let out. My mind is still active, thinking about my daily life. Going about it. And most of the time I am too busy being here right now. Living it. Be here now. Literally. So everything else is void. It's not a sad thing but rather a strange thing. I read and I love it. I am good. I have my streaks of anger but I am controlling it. I am said to be more calm. I guess it's a good thing. But yeah. Very nonchalant.

Like a bad dream, I drifted in and out of this reality into a certain state of subconsciousness which is almost sickening to say the least. Don't remember what I've said and no idea what's going on tomorrow or even the following week. Very unlike me. I am still afraid to go to bed, refusing the eye shut even early into the morning. The lids on my eyes are telling me to go but somehow I can't. Remember the feeling that you know something is wrong and you just don't know what and can't place a name to it - that's the exact feeling. Funny enough, this has never been my style - when I need to slumber, I need to slumber, there's nothing to it. How about then the feeling about your heart beating so fast with breath that quickens - nope I didn't do anything aside giving him a call. A call that was unanswered. A call that was then later returned. So we are still friends. That's not something that I don't know of. I am not losing him completely. And s...

Relationship - what's the big deal and why do we sought after it? Is it the illusion that everything will be alright once we find the right person or was it just fulfilling a life-long fantasy of actually holding someone's hand instead of imagining it over a sleepless rainy night? While many relish in the fact that they have finally found someone, but does that guarantee that everything will be hunky dory from that moment on? What if he is the complete opposite of how you imagined a relationship or even a boyfriend would be? Do you stick around and wait it out? What happenes when he doesn't like to hold your hands like most people do? What do you do when he tells you that he doesn't really enjoying kissing and how would you feel when you just brush aside comments such as "I miss you" or "I like you" and "I think about you today" and replaced it with just a sneer or worst still...an "ewww"? What can you do when he doesn't want ...

So it has been 3 weeks of non stop work and through the weekends and one public holiday. Was so tired until I find it tiresome to think about anything other than "I wanna sleep" or "fuck this shit". It's not as though this happens everyday or all the time but sometimes you just want it to end and thank God it ended yesterday. Well, sort of. There will be a presentation by end of this work for the work that we have done and then wait for results. I am trying to keep my fingers cross and nonchalant about it but this will indirectly determine a lot of things for my future, career wise of course. But it's all done and submitted so there's nothing much one can talk about other than what to do next? I missed my big birthday because of work and now I am trying to perk up and think about what and how I will celebrate it...not in the mood yet but who knows. Next week will be Lunar Chinese New Year...so maybe a long holiday after that. For now, it's just sleep...

...And your life goes on At the risk of sounding melancholic...yes I am feeling a little blue here and there. But nothing enough to make me throw the towel and call it a day. It's not an easy ride and I knew it wouldn't. Just that I didn't know it's going to be THAT hard. Still...what's worth having is worth the effort. People just want things that doesn't come easily and that makes it all desireable. "all these has not changed my feelings for you. In fact, I really like you and very much want to keep on seeing you. You are a rare find and I am not letting go so easily. You don't have to say anything and you don't have believe me but time will tell. I will prove it to you"

's wonderful! 's marvelous! You should care for me! It wasn't too long ago that I was shitting myself silly worrying (and also rejoicing) over the fact that everything is sooooo good. There's just no drama, no games, not much speculation and everything just falls into place nicely. And I told myself, this can't be right and I cannot be too happy. After all, the ancient myths have it that mortals such as us shouldn't be overtly happy or else the gods will angry. Granted those were the days when gods have nothing better to do than messing with the lives of the simple mortals. I bet everyone would have better lives if they just sacrificed iPads to the bored gods instead of cows. I mean what do you do with a cow? But coming back to me, I am learning to let myself go and accept the fact that the impossible can happen and to really cherish every little moment. I guess it's easier to do it now seeing that this is only the beginning and things usually starts off bei...

It's not easy for me to take things easy. Yes, me the person who constantly rush through deadlines (yes, your work was due yesterday) with precise timing and budget for delivery has to take a seat. Not just any seat but the backseat and then learn how to take off all the hats that I have learnt to wear over the years, stripping off one layer by one layer and truly understand the meaning of going with the flow and chilling aka taking it easy. Sometimes when it comes to the matter of the heart and when it involves another person, it's not as clear cut as I-want-it-now-and-I-want-it-this-way. I have to say that this has so far fast becoming the greatest lesson that I will ever learn. I know that at work, my low tolerance for shit has gotten me in small troubles here and there before and I am glad to say that I have mellowed down slightly over the years but this is my biggest challenge yet. But it's not too bad, when you actually stop, you have time to breath and look at things...

I am sitting here in the balcony of my bff’s apartment staring out into the view. Things look different when it’s day and it’s the first time that I can see the lake clearly. It’s beautiful and after all I am a water kind of person – poor (or rich cause you need the dough to have a place with a view and adjacent lake) men’s version of a sea view. I have decided to get out of my house as I can’t stand my dad’s constant TV playback on top of the volume and something just strike a chord in me – I bloody need to get out. Be it shopping (more like window shopping) or something. Then again having me out in stores is not going to do my wallet any good and I am not about to risk getting myself embroiled in holiday traffic madness. Yesterday was the same though, after a long day and passing over the invitation to Mambo I found myself driving over to my bff’s place. I have sort of become her mistress as everytime her man is not around, there I will be. It’s not too bad, usually we parked our ar...

So I’ve found myself taking my Saturday real nice and easy and despite invitation from the girls to the Curve, I decided to pass. Not just because I was a little worn from the day before but also because they have snubbed me – all 3 of them and not join me over at Frangi. But the night didn’t turn out less fabulous since I managed to meet up with my Bitch Jr. Also managed to see my ex Manager, intro-ed my current Manager to him, met this new gay guy from my ex agency, bumped into another fella from another agency who worked with the same client as me and another fella whom I knew for ages prior of joining the industry. And we are just talking about work relationships here in a small place – haven’t gone down to who has slept with who yet. Such contrasting weekend, only a week ago I was in Ipoh with the 3 big girls (technically 2 and ½ since one is working out hard) and for all us except Cookie, it was really nothing new. Still, Cookie has been talking about a roadtrip such as this sinc...

Managed to come home early yesterday and while sorting out the mails, I noticed the usual credit statement and to my amazement the amount was higher than usual thanks and no thanks to my supplementary card for my sister. I was also amazed at how little things here and there can easily contribute to a couple of hundreds just like that and I am not even talking about high end shopping. Just the usual DVD here and there or CDs. Thank God I paid cash for my books else it would be another heartache to bear. I must say though while it sounded like I am a train running wild without control – I am still far from it. After all, I settle the whole amount on a monthly basis. But that’s the thing about life. Everything you say or do paint a different picture for different people. Once you read or heard of a person buying these and that thing you will automatically assume he is a nut. Then there’s this new guy at work who dresses well (my hunch is that he’s gay) and there was gossip circulating tha...