Like a bad dream, I drifted in and out of this reality into a certain state of subconsciousness which is almost sickening to say the least. Don't remember what I've said and no idea what's going on tomorrow or even the following week. Very unlike me. I am still afraid to go to bed, refusing the eye shut even early into the morning. The lids on my eyes are telling me to go but somehow I can't. Remember the feeling that you know something is wrong and you just don't know what and can't place a name to it - that's the exact feeling. Funny enough, this has never been my style - when I need to slumber, I need to slumber, there's nothing to it.
How about then the feeling about your heart beating so fast with breath that quickens - nope I didn't do anything aside giving him a call. A call that was unanswered. A call that was then later returned. So we are still friends. That's not something that I don't know of. I am not losing him completely. And sometimes you might be able to keep a friend longer compared to a lover, I do know this to be true. So what is bugging me? Why the sleepless nights? Why the throbbing and pounding of the heart? Why why why again. Then there were moments of slight improvements - watching late TVs or writings by others and such...esp by those young kids. So full of life and sometimes it's just a matter of taking time to laugh at it. Just chill. And then I drifted out again.
I really should be going to bed. It's work day soon enough. Better set the alarm because I can't seem to trust myself of late. Shall avoid listening to Joni Mitchel. Turning off the iPod. Now going to turn this off too. Or my mind while I am at it.
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