It's been awhile and I have to admit that I have been struggling or perhaps too lazy to write anything at all. Yes, work has become busier but that doesn't mean that I don't have time. It's not like I am braindead, maybe I am just being very lazy and being in the state that I am, it's just about keeping dumb. It's never really been this way all my life, rather it would be bitching away and complaining non stop but like I said many a times before, it has come to a point if no one is nice enough to tell me off then I am sick of it myself. And then of course there's the fact that everyone's is having a sucky life, so welcome to the club - some even far worst.
So I stopped talking about my feelings long time ago on social media and while this is still the sacred place where I can really be me, I don't care if nobody reads this because at the end of the day I can be myself and say anything without the fear of offending people or creating a career suicide move.
Then what has this blog become? Something sort of a travelogue for me? I can't always be saying I am looking forward to this and looking forward to that though yes, I will be away this weekend. Travelogue, not really. There wouldn't be any heavy travelling right after end of this month for the rest of year. More like saving money for something in the future. Which isn't very interesting or sexy because idle boring time of savings isn't worth blogging about. Hell, it's not even worth your while reading it. So what do I do? Saving money is hard as everyone would know but I think I am doing fine.
How about talking about things that I like? Sure there's a couple of stuff that still makes me tick but really...I guess I am down in the dumps lately and it's just about getting myself out of it. I know it's not so bad. So what is wrong with me? I really don't know. I don't seem to care about anything at all. I want a change and sometimes when I see people who took the chance I gave up on just to get away and I wondered if I made the right choice. Sure, these people whom they hired are pretty substandard but isn't getting your feet in at more important than hearing bad reviews about that place? Maybe not. In life, I seldom regret about things that I've done. Then it's about looking at what I can do. Not much really. Not even getting laid.
Ah....life. Can I officially join the majority of gay men who are everything but gay? I used to hate that thought but maybe there is something of a fun or even comforting to know that you are bitching and unhappy about everything. Maybe they are happy being unhappy. Maybe that's the secret. Maybe I've got it wrong. Maybe I should just shut up and not entertain all these devils in my mind and move on. Keep moving and go on. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. It's not that bad.....