I spoke of the power of the human spirit back then and I will talk about it again. Besides being resilient and absolutely beautiful, it never gives up. This is something that I've learnt by observing how I feel and behave with things that happen around me.
The truth is, while I am thankful for all the good things that happened, I am begining to look back at all the bad and understand the lessons behind each and every one of it. We all started out young and optimistic and mostly idealistic about how things should be and how you would think you will act which is a big mistake because when a case presents itself to you, you might just do the exact opposite from what you believed. That doesn't mean you are not being truth to yourself, very likely that you didn't know yourself that well. And with each and every experience, you learn more about yourself. I learnt more about myself than I ever did.
And the part of not giving up? It's almost irrational but everything in me tells me that it's impossible to love and find love even though that's one thing that still eludes me. Experiences and insights have stated that's the way it should be and to a very big extend, I have made peace with it but given any chance - any ounce of possiblity of finding love, I will throw caution into the wind and just sail away with the feelings. It's like every rational thought is taken over by this hope - the big hope that the next one might just be the one and almost instantly I turned into this irrational being on the verge of putting myself to back to the cycle of the possibility of being hurt all over again. And yet, I've never learnt. I only realised and half regreted it only when it's over.
So why we do keep doing this to ourselves? Even if I want to shut myself away from putting myself in the risk of falling and giving up on love, the spirit within me has yet to do so. It takes over me and to some extend I believe it's a good thing. There are some things which we don't and will never understand. The instinct inside us acts on our behalf because we might tend to think over things way too much and do or pick the wrong choice. It seemed to know what's best for us and never giving up, not unless we are ready to die. And that's a beautiful thing, at least something in me has not given up hope as yet.
Isn't that a good thing that keeps us alive?