Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I am afraid to go to bed and more afraid to be out of it

I know this is depressing topic but it's really my blog and I will write and say what I like. Sort of like theraphy. Usually I don't really approve of wallowing in depths of despair but I cannot help how I feel.

There's a long holiday ahead of me and by right I should be enjoying and basking in every moment. However all I feel is void and there is alot of trip down memory lane, almost like a old broken VHS tape, rewinding all the moments that we've shared and just thinking about it makes me cry. Just looking at his pictures just make me cry. I don't think I am ready to look at it again, so I just put them away. As I told my friend, there are pockets here and there when I am ok, completely mindless and not thinking about anything but then there are moments in between that just hits you.

Sure, it hasnt been too long but I am sure it will take some adjustment to my life. When I started, I had to make some adjustment as well...and now that I am used to that life - what should I do? I can imagine it would probably be worst for couples who have been together since forever.

I don't think I cry enough on this as yet, right now I really hate the moment that I am in. I am looking forward to nothing. I am afraid to go to bed (I don't know why...maybe because I will think of him or something) and I am also afraid to get out of bed, I don't want to face the world. I am a positive person, have always been a happy single and expect nothing more than just having a good time. I am not bitter, I am not being overly hopeful but I do hope I will find love again, in the future.

Don't know how I will bounce from this other than from experience, all it takes is time and my friends. And people who loves me. And there are plenty.

2 comments:

nicky05 said...

I like your optimism.

savante said...

Always good to have friends around to help your through such bad times. :)