I have always remembered that in the past, there’s the coming of Christmas which everyone will usually be emo and then the New Year (usually doing a lot of nothing) and lastly my birthday. Of course the big bang would normally be Chinese New Year and then everyone has to get back to their normal schedule and wait for this cycle of holidays and celebration to come again. Out of all the events the one I usually detest the most (for the past few years) is of course my birthday.
There was a time or many for that matter which I felt that there was little next to no reasons for celebration. After all, you get your birthday on a yearly basis without any effort anyway so what’s the cause for commotion at the first place. Coupled that with the fact that I have always felt the need to celebrate that day with someone which I have yet to find and time seems to b ticking as I am one year older – it is all very depressing indeed. I must confess that initially I have the same reservations as well for this year.
Not to say that I don’t have any reasons for celebrations as it is common knowledge that last year was incredible for me but somehow I can still find excuses to feel less of a person. I actually feel much less successful because of being single which is really a sad thing considering no one else thinks that I am more inferior but myself. Why am I punishing myself then for something that I have done nothing for? I guess it has everything to do with the fact when I was 21 or so, the world and possibilities seems endless and being late 20s is something that is still very far ahead. With that possibility you somehow imagine that by certain age or phase of your life, you would have achieved a few certain things or be at a certain place by then.
But when you hit the reality which is very far from what you have imagined years later, you find yourself wondering what had happened in that duration? Have you somehow lost your way and your sights on things or you just didn’t manage to get them no matter how hard you tried? So panic starts to sink in and you catch yourself thinking that what if you have missed the boat or it’s too late to make any changes and all sort of nonsense. So you can see why it’s much easier to just give the old celebration a miss than facing the fact that you are fucking old and sad.
However it took a small incident to make me come to my senses that all is not lost. There is this function on facebook whereby you can view all your friends’ birthday. There are some who are gracious enough to display their age while some rather join my group of forgetfulness.
Then there are those who are in their diapers (I hate you bitches) but it were those who surprised with their age who taught me a lesson or two about getting older. I mean I never knew them to be that old but looking at where they are now and where they were back then, I can see myself in their shoes. I mean not everyone is a success story or a prodigy that earned their first billion before turning 30. Not everyone has someone back then and even if they did, it didn’t last because most of them are with someone new now. But all of them went through the age thing nonchalantly and not panic over every little thing like running out of time or missing the last boat to relationship valley.
I began to realise that being 27 is a celebration by itself. The fact that everyday someone die from eating something nasty or driving on the road and that person is not you is worth celebrating. What more, I wouldn’t want to go back to being 22 or 24 or whatever age I was. I feel much wiser (not very wise but much) and I am ready for more. Hell, bring 37 over and I hope to still be able to feel as happy. So what if when I am 37 and still very single? All I can hope is for my friends to be with me when I am 37 and hold my hand as I cross the road. And in the spirit of embracing reality and old age, I am not going to be like those very deluded people (you know who you are) who insist that they are not a year older until they hit the exact date (try telling that to your sagging butt). Yes, people I am 27 unofficially and I should be damn proud and happy of it.
There will be celebration and I insist on a cake. Due to my past birthday’s foolishness, I have missed out on blowing candles for many years now. In fact, I can’t even remember the last birthday that I had a cake. What the hell, I will even make a wish this time around.