Bittersweet

I guess I have been reduced to this – just going back and forth about what had happened and that’s about all there is to me now. What happened to the mind? The thoughts? The questioning? What happened to Daniel?

He’s here alright, deep within me probably fighting with other facets of myself which has been duly busied with work of late. But then again when am I not burdened with them? I just don’t know why I have been feeling a little low on energy and couldn’t perform as well and as much as I used to when I started 6 months ago. Those who have been doing this for years (like my bosses), are they inhuman? Maybe all I need is a break from it all and thank God the CNY holidays are just around the corner.

Feeling low on energy is one thing but knowing that you are low and can’t do anything about it is another. The weekends or any rest time in between is just for sleeping or doing relaxing things like reading or watching DVD and nothing else. Even after an 8 hour sleep, I woke up feeling more tired than ever. Either that or my mind is just not at one place or any at all. I don’t feel like doing anything other than well, shopping and of all people I am the last one who should and could do that.

I am still waiting for the news of bonus (if any) or the so called promotion promised to me. This will come in handy in view of last month’s gigantic bill and though I vowed enough is enough there was some extra expenditure due to sales up 70% on two of my favorite brand; Benetton and Sisley. While they are hardly ground breaking in their designs and all, you can always find comfort in their materials and the style is very up to date. I am a sucker especially for their shirts which usually retails at 369 suddenly become 110 or even less. Believe me, the quality of the shirts is extremely good and while I like to think it’s a hidden secret, a lot of people are aware of the markdown but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

So I guess this week would be the last week before CNY and the results should be out then. Considered late by many standards and I am extremely anxious to see how they see value in me; monetary speaking. I have to admit that in the past that I have sold myself very short on many occasion which is why I ended up with the salary scale, non existence promotion that I have in hand. I am beginning to see that I am much better than many imbeciles out there even when I started. I couldn’t help but feel bitter about how I was undervalued by my previous boss and interviewers who refused to hire me when I started. And now to see the quality of thrash that they hire for beginner’s level is simply atrocious and appalling! Add that to the fact that two silly agencies recently tried contacting me for a resume which I have sent out two years ago, offering me the same position that I started. Like even if I accepted that position, they should be worry about what kind of person I would be since I have not progressed over the two years. Feeling insulted? Very much indeed.

Ah! Such is life. Some people can be an idiot all their life and get their own room while others toil and labor away for peanuts of pay. Well the only consolation is that I am well dressed when I toil away.