Loneliness and among many things
I am single but that doesn’t make me lonely
As a bit of pre-ampt, I am not writing about the usual stuff which you can find in any typical gay conversation – either they are complaining about their bf or the lack of.
But rather it was due to a friend who has been away for years, out of the blue made a call to me. She was surprised that I’ve still retained the same number over the years and after catching up on small talks and latest developments, she revealed her true intention of contacting me – asking me to go out and listen to her problems.
She was having men problems and needed a friend to listen and after much deduction over the phone I have concluded that she knows exactly what her problem is, she is well aware of the solutions but yet still decide not to do anything about it and remain unhappy.
Why she was in that kind of unhappy relationship – she blamed it on loneliness. She told me that I don’t know the feeling of coming home to a small room with no one to connect to. Sure, friends are aplenty but it is not the same. Oh, right – this always leads to one thing – the longing for romantic relationship and intimacy.
She was right that I indeed do not understand it. What I don’t understand is why so many people put such emphasis on romantic relationship? Why so many people think that they are alone in this world and the only cure is to find a boy/girlfriend? Don’t they know that a relationship is not the be it all and the end of their problems?
I looked at myself and think that I am not too different from them. Granted that I live with my parents hence the house is less quiet but it’s not like I came back and talk non stop with them on the daily basis. Most of the time, they are asleep when I am back home. I have my friends just like all of them and to me, it is the most satisfying and meaningful relationships that I have. Majority has been with me since college days so we are talking about knowing each another for more than 7-8 years now. However, I don’t see them all the time but I know that I could anytime that I want to.
Most of my days and weekends are spend by myself – doing my own thing, watching TV and reading and whatever that comes along. Why can’t they do the same and appreciate the same thing that I do?
So what is different? I think it’s all about the mind. At the end of the day, I keep on looking in front and snap myself every time I fall backwards and yes there are times when I am feeling like shit but I don’t let it consume me. I know there are better days ahead and sun will rise and set disregard if you are unhappy or otherwise. Really, why waste your energy and time being unhappy? Sometimes I really wished I can just bottle all this up and force them to drink it. But it’s something that they have to learn on their own. Learn how to be happy and mostly learn how to be happy just being yourself and on your own.
Loneliness at work?
Well, I guess that’s bit of exaggeration because in between all the work that I get assigned to, there’s not much time to think or even update my blog, let alone feel alone. It’s true that the manager whom I have worked with for over a year now has been reassigned to another team. Suddenly I felt as though the safety blanket has been taken away from me.
True to be told, he was the sole reason that I still where I am today. Without his help, guidance and support, I wouldn’t have survived and learnt so much. But like everyone said, it’s for our own good. His to grow and mine as well since I have taken more responsibility. And oh, Happy Anniversary to me. Exactly one year since I’ve joined the big league.
But confessions time – lately I felt as though I have lost the passion for my work. I know surprise surprise Mr I Love My Work is losing it. I am not too entirely worried; I am just blaming the new situation for how I feel. I believe I will regain my groove soon, one way or another. A holiday will do me good but for now I am actually dreading Monday. Tomorrow’s a TV program shoot and radio recording which used to excite me but I am feeling like whatever. Oh yeah, and I have not spend anytime working on my proposals. I find it easier to work during weekdays even up to late at night but weekend, I feel like I just want to let go, forget everything and indulge. It’s still the weekend and I am savoring every bit of it.
Pathway
As I was driving out from my home to my hair stylist, I was pleasantly surprised by scenery around me – this particular annoying tree – the leaves are really fine and they always get stuck everywhere in your car is flowering. It’s those really fine yellow flowers and since the whole stretch of road is planted with that tree on both sides, it really reminds me of the sakura gardens. Not that I have been anywhere remotely near to witness sakura blossoming, it’s one of those things that you wished to do in our life but deep down you know you will never get around it, time and cost and other priorities always get in the way.
But then again, that’s the power of dream. And imagination. It’s cheap and takes less than a minute to imagine that you are there. Witnessing the most beautiful bloom in years. Imagine that it’s the same scene that I pass by, day in and day out but fail to notice. Sometimes one has to take a deep breath and spend time with the surrounding. It’s rather beautiful.
Stupid Malaysian at work again
Dearest Buaya was telling me how other Singaporean was laughing over some fiasco created by our country’s dumbass - registering bloggers. Well it’s obvious that they have no idea what they are talking about when they open their fat stupid mouth and the reasoning that I gave was – we let dogs run our country.
Imagine this, no one particularly smart or capable is interested in working with the government, hence it is filled up with graduate rejects (they are so stupid that they can’t get a job in the private sector and if the government doesn’t support them, they will forever be jobless and blame the government for their own stupidity) who would eventually move up the post and graduate into people who decides the faith and fortunes of our country. So it’s no one’s fault but our own because we didn’t want to do anything about it. Same goes with how everything that was built in this country seems to collapse and fall and the minister in post can blame everyone but himself and still remain firm in his position. If it’s not the dogs who are running our country, who else?
One last complaint on Malaysia, why do they see it fit to rush for a stupid member’s only sale when they have to endure hours of finding a parking and causing tremendous traffic jam? How much can one save? 2 ringgit? All that for just one or two ringgit? Yours truly was victim of that petty mind – stucked in the traffic in the morning and even worst when I try to get back home – all in the name of saving a few buck which is actually spent on the petrol (traffic jam) and time (priceless).
Only in Malaysia. And to think we call Singaporean kiasu.
As a bit of pre-ampt, I am not writing about the usual stuff which you can find in any typical gay conversation – either they are complaining about their bf or the lack of.
But rather it was due to a friend who has been away for years, out of the blue made a call to me. She was surprised that I’ve still retained the same number over the years and after catching up on small talks and latest developments, she revealed her true intention of contacting me – asking me to go out and listen to her problems.
She was having men problems and needed a friend to listen and after much deduction over the phone I have concluded that she knows exactly what her problem is, she is well aware of the solutions but yet still decide not to do anything about it and remain unhappy.
Why she was in that kind of unhappy relationship – she blamed it on loneliness. She told me that I don’t know the feeling of coming home to a small room with no one to connect to. Sure, friends are aplenty but it is not the same. Oh, right – this always leads to one thing – the longing for romantic relationship and intimacy.
She was right that I indeed do not understand it. What I don’t understand is why so many people put such emphasis on romantic relationship? Why so many people think that they are alone in this world and the only cure is to find a boy/girlfriend? Don’t they know that a relationship is not the be it all and the end of their problems?
I looked at myself and think that I am not too different from them. Granted that I live with my parents hence the house is less quiet but it’s not like I came back and talk non stop with them on the daily basis. Most of the time, they are asleep when I am back home. I have my friends just like all of them and to me, it is the most satisfying and meaningful relationships that I have. Majority has been with me since college days so we are talking about knowing each another for more than 7-8 years now. However, I don’t see them all the time but I know that I could anytime that I want to.
Most of my days and weekends are spend by myself – doing my own thing, watching TV and reading and whatever that comes along. Why can’t they do the same and appreciate the same thing that I do?
So what is different? I think it’s all about the mind. At the end of the day, I keep on looking in front and snap myself every time I fall backwards and yes there are times when I am feeling like shit but I don’t let it consume me. I know there are better days ahead and sun will rise and set disregard if you are unhappy or otherwise. Really, why waste your energy and time being unhappy? Sometimes I really wished I can just bottle all this up and force them to drink it. But it’s something that they have to learn on their own. Learn how to be happy and mostly learn how to be happy just being yourself and on your own.
Loneliness at work?
Well, I guess that’s bit of exaggeration because in between all the work that I get assigned to, there’s not much time to think or even update my blog, let alone feel alone. It’s true that the manager whom I have worked with for over a year now has been reassigned to another team. Suddenly I felt as though the safety blanket has been taken away from me.
True to be told, he was the sole reason that I still where I am today. Without his help, guidance and support, I wouldn’t have survived and learnt so much. But like everyone said, it’s for our own good. His to grow and mine as well since I have taken more responsibility. And oh, Happy Anniversary to me. Exactly one year since I’ve joined the big league.
But confessions time – lately I felt as though I have lost the passion for my work. I know surprise surprise Mr I Love My Work is losing it. I am not too entirely worried; I am just blaming the new situation for how I feel. I believe I will regain my groove soon, one way or another. A holiday will do me good but for now I am actually dreading Monday. Tomorrow’s a TV program shoot and radio recording which used to excite me but I am feeling like whatever. Oh yeah, and I have not spend anytime working on my proposals. I find it easier to work during weekdays even up to late at night but weekend, I feel like I just want to let go, forget everything and indulge. It’s still the weekend and I am savoring every bit of it.
Pathway
As I was driving out from my home to my hair stylist, I was pleasantly surprised by scenery around me – this particular annoying tree – the leaves are really fine and they always get stuck everywhere in your car is flowering. It’s those really fine yellow flowers and since the whole stretch of road is planted with that tree on both sides, it really reminds me of the sakura gardens. Not that I have been anywhere remotely near to witness sakura blossoming, it’s one of those things that you wished to do in our life but deep down you know you will never get around it, time and cost and other priorities always get in the way.
But then again, that’s the power of dream. And imagination. It’s cheap and takes less than a minute to imagine that you are there. Witnessing the most beautiful bloom in years. Imagine that it’s the same scene that I pass by, day in and day out but fail to notice. Sometimes one has to take a deep breath and spend time with the surrounding. It’s rather beautiful.
Stupid Malaysian at work again
Dearest Buaya was telling me how other Singaporean was laughing over some fiasco created by our country’s dumbass - registering bloggers. Well it’s obvious that they have no idea what they are talking about when they open their fat stupid mouth and the reasoning that I gave was – we let dogs run our country.
Imagine this, no one particularly smart or capable is interested in working with the government, hence it is filled up with graduate rejects (they are so stupid that they can’t get a job in the private sector and if the government doesn’t support them, they will forever be jobless and blame the government for their own stupidity) who would eventually move up the post and graduate into people who decides the faith and fortunes of our country. So it’s no one’s fault but our own because we didn’t want to do anything about it. Same goes with how everything that was built in this country seems to collapse and fall and the minister in post can blame everyone but himself and still remain firm in his position. If it’s not the dogs who are running our country, who else?
One last complaint on Malaysia, why do they see it fit to rush for a stupid member’s only sale when they have to endure hours of finding a parking and causing tremendous traffic jam? How much can one save? 2 ringgit? All that for just one or two ringgit? Yours truly was victim of that petty mind – stucked in the traffic in the morning and even worst when I try to get back home – all in the name of saving a few buck which is actually spent on the petrol (traffic jam) and time (priceless).
Only in Malaysia. And to think we call Singaporean kiasu.
Comments
Some people seem to have the idea that being involved in a romantic relationship or marriage is a cure-it-all for loneliness.
But the irony is that they get involved in one, neglect their friends, and when things don't work out, they end up more depressed.