It is very funny how sometimes when you least think about certain things, those were the things that sort of link everything together – creating a theme if you may for the events that follow for the whole week. I have to admit that while I was painfully aware that my dear o’ blog have been abandoned for while, there was so many things in my mind that constructing something of a sentence becomes a chore.
As the week comes to an end and another new set unveils, I can sit down, retreat in the comfort of my room and jot all the little details and thoughts down. It is abit tiring to just blame everything on work as work as goes, there’s always plenty of them and they will never end. I was going through the usual amount of work, actually a little more this week since we have been brief on the launch of a new product that will be a pitch against another competitor. Another factor that my team is painfully aware of – we are not bringing enough goods to the table. All the accounts are either not making enough or cutting down their budget this year and while deep inside us, we knew something will be done, either a restructure or something or that nature but nothing prepared me for losing something which is really important in my team.
Stepping out in my comfort zone of one year means the honeymoon days are over. While there are pros in doing so, I can’t help but miss the good o days of working with my team. True, things are still very much the same but it won’t be that way for long. Guess it’s my time to really take up more responsibility. Can’t just hide behind my bosses all the time. Scary yet fun at the same time. Will I be able to handle all that? What is the expectations? How do they all do it? The big bosses. What has gone through their mind? What are the hopes and fears? It is really my time to cross the line and shine?
That is only on the job front, I had abit of thinking done yesterday as Cookie and I attended a friend’s family birthday. While people are blissfully doing their usual thing in party, we were busy discussing and talking about the cute men who attended it, there was debate over their faces down to their butts. I for one am a person who is after cute butts. To me, it’s all about that something to hold on to when you are in bed with them. To put it exactly in Cookie’s word – when you are pounding you, your legs up in the air, there’s nothing I love more than to hold on to their butt. I know, hardly the kind of respectable conversations that two gay men should have during such occasion but at the risk of sounding like Samantha Joneses, we are actually quite prude when it comes to the topic of sex. How many times have you read about me talking about it? Granted that we don’t get laid often enough to do so, I also believe that sometimes it’s untactful to talk about sex all the time.
But let’s all face it. At the end of the day, we are all men. We think about sex all the time. Programmed to do so for the sake of procreation. It’s not an excuse for bad and rude behaviour just because all our intelligence has gone down to crotch since we hit puberty but an acceptable one. I don’t judge others who find a need to have sex in whatever manner that they please. Open relationships, group sex, outdoor cruising for sex, and all sorts of sexual acts as long as no part is hurt in that process. Last weekend, a friend of mine whom incidentally I sleep with on and off – suggested an act of threesome that I shrugged off as a joke. Truthfully speaking, who has not fantasized about having sex with more than one guy? The idea is just as appealing in theory as it is in flesh even though I had no second thoughts about rejecting an offer, I couldn’t help but wonder what I got to lose by participating in one? Everyone knows I have sex and I am not ashamed of that fact. I have no boyfriend and no one will be hurt. We are all adults. So what is wrong about it?
As I ponder on it longer, it really went back all the way when I was a starry eyed kid just who was just opened to the world of possibility of being a gay men. If you were to tell me back then that 10 years forward, I will consider a sexual relationships with no emotions attached, I wouldn’t have believed you. I had principles back then. Not to say that I have none these days but its more practical. As you grow older, see more things and realize that the world is not black and white as you thought of when you are 12 years but rather made of shades of grey that are hard to understand.
I think at the end of the day, it’s all about the Pandora box. Once you opened yourself to threesome, then what? Foursome, group and so on and so forth. Where and when will it end? Will you be happy with just one man in bed? That’s just one line that I am not prepared to cross. Surprisingly as it may sound, I think I am more prudent and conservative than I give myself credit for. And the strange thing is, I am completely cool with that.