Thursday, February 08, 2007

For love and pain

As I finished the last sentence to my utterly horrible and disjointed work, I breathed a sigh of relief and mentally noted to myself that I should learn to not bite what I can’t chew. When you are absolutely of no talent whatsoever, it’s easier to just acknowledge the facts of life and walked away with what’s left of your dignity and not instead pretend to be writer with your little cute laptop writing about everything under the sun. Who am I kidding? This, what I do on a daily basis is not even fit to be called writing - more like web space junk. But sometimes I think giving up is so easy and trying has no harm. But when it comes to so many things in life, do we sometimes raise the white flag and walk away or struggle with the pains, the waves crashing – up and down and blowing cold winds in your mind, all just for the sake of believing in your heart?

Now it is a common knowledge that only anyone who is seeker of pain would get himself or herself tangled up any forms of relationship and those who loves it even more will opt for it to be geographically difficult, But given the choice – as with everything in life, no one will look opt for the harder and when this small little insignificant thing call love hits you, the mind will be completely taken over by the heart and before long, you too will believe in anything. Or least keep on trying to believe.

Having witnessed first hand how painful love can get, separated by time zone and postcode, I myself have went down that road once. I used to think that nothing could come between my dearest friend Queen Bitch and Dutchie. They met like any typical couple would – over hot passionate sex that developed into co-habitation and before long they are as good as married. The only catch is at the end of her one-year stint in London; Queen Bitch had no choice but to return home. Anyone practical would end the relationship there and then but being love is just simply above logic. The relationship if you may call it; long, torturous lasted well into years of flying over to each another’s respective country until one day, enough is enough. There were good times of course and I did enjoy Dutchie’s company and would love to see him swept Queen Bitch away but as the arguments gets more tiresome and phone bills gets higher, there was little left to do but part ways. Some would say that the love died but I like to think that they have transcended love because to truly love somebody is to let go of them. Free. Happy. To find someone they can be happy with and hopefully not before you get there first,

But before anyone should consider that road, please consider this – with millions of people around the world and 23 million alone in Malaysia, you found and managed to secure yourself a lifesaver. Now that’s no small feat considering that the task is as difficult as looking for that lost Tiffany ring in the ocean. So there’s the hard times – missing him and wanting to be with him when the relationship has been reduced to going to sleep with him on your mind and your cock in your palm.

But that’s the catch isn’t it? No relationship comes without sacrifice and no one gains without then pain. Being away from each another could be the ultimate test in any relationship though some do believe that it will probably lead to one party ‘dining out’ and eventually calling it off at the end of the day. As people share statistic and stories of some people they know who knew someone who is getting divorce proof to you, you can’t help but to feel that the end could be just around the corner.

To my own belief and experience, it aint over until one of the fat girl say enough, I am off to gym and diet. If two person still clings on to each another and not giving up on what they have achieved and experienced together – the bond is thicker than my waist. I especially believe in these two love birds (fat bird nevertheless) that I know of when they each confessed and acknowledge (when the other party is not around) that they would probably not find someone else like who they have now.

Now that is love. Even the cynical me have to believe in something. In the game of love, you lose some and you win some but you have to bet on something. I would place my bet on them. The house not necessarily always wins but even if the cards are crap, you can always laid it out and walk away – maybe a little poorer in spirits but richer in experience, satisfied nevertheless knowing that you have done everything that you could. By that you have already won - placing you on bet on each another.


9 comments:

Las montañas said...

pensive post. you eyeing someone from afar?

William said...

High risk. High returns. Everything to gain. Not really everything to lose.

Derek said...

Wah, nowadays your posts are really good. Not to say they weren't, but they seem to be better. My cup of tea.

When you like someone, distance doesn't seem to be a problem. I know of someone who just started a r/ship with another in the US! Imagine the bills!

But as you are, I do believe that it might work out in the end.

Congrats on being an Ex smoker! *hugs*

cain & abel said...

very well said there. I'm undergoing a hard time myself and this post of yours sure did make some sense for me.

btw: i had to privatze my blog for some reasons. Mail me your add to cikgudrama@gmail.com and i shall send u an invite. Hope to hear from you soon ;p

JL said...

WOW!

A very good post. I'm inspired :)

EmmaK said...

Well said. I reckon where true love is concerned it can bridge any distance, the problems of only meeting twice a year, the money spent on flights, the loneliness of being without the other, all is worth it...although to outsiders it sometimes looks mad.

jase said...

so romantic your entry.. :)

A fan said...

Quite an insightful entry I must say. It seems to paint a very selfless you, a nice change from the daily self-absorbed musings you post here. No offence meant. Anyone who has gone through a "relationship" separated by distance ought to know how terribly hard it is to sustain the full bloom of roses in a short-lived summer. Physical distance really does kill a relationship, not instantly but very similar to the nature of arsenic poisoining. Little things might trigger the alarm at first but faith could move mountains, or so we thought. Soon after, we begin to doubt our initial convictions and the shaky relationship would now oscillate between good and bad days, frequently conjuring a false sense of hope when the situation seems to improve, only to disappoint at the very end. Before long, reality hits you like the 2nd wave of flood waters in Johor. Not entirely unexpected but the optimistic side of human always seems to catch us off guard. How can we sustain love that's based only on something as abstract as TRUST and BELIEF? Keep telling ourselves that and maybe, just maybe, we could find a tiny spot in us, for a fraction of a second, to actually believe love will conquer it all. We're a species ruled by our hormones for God sake! There are some rare cases (the "ooh" & "aw" moments) but queers are just too "physical" to warrant unwaivering LOVE in the absence of physical closeness for a long period of time. Come to think of it, what can we expect from a gay relationship if the very core of 2 guys being together is for the sake of a 30-sec long hormone-induced euphoria during sex? Then, all the debates about constitutionalising gay people's rights to marry and adopt kids are pretty much bull shit. If so, what's gonna happen to us? Most of us are in our 20s now and when we go clubbing, the spotlight is on us. But has anyone ever noticed a few odd guys on the floor that just don't quite fit in? Aging and still desperately seeking for a piece of action. If that's what I'll become, then being gay is simply the living example of a sugar-coated nightmare. God sure knows how to make a good joke out of us...

savante said...

Long distance relationships are never easy after all.