Monday, December 11, 2006


As I was hanging out in the smoking lounge at work, I saw my colleague turn down the shutter to block the sunlight - mind you, those rooms has one of the best city skyline view in the office and I got to thinking that how silly she is. I love sunlight. Sunlight being just the light minus the heat. That's what you get in overseas anyway. From very young, I have always wanted a place where I can call my own - spacious and with loads of natural light. I am not a bind and curtain person but luck has it that I need to use them and have been for years now. It would be wonderful to wake up to a view, sun shining in or just laying there, looking out. Looking at the sky. One day perhaps, I would pay only if for the view and nothing else. Sometimes feeding the spirit and soul is much more important than the body.

Talk about body, I have a field day looking at some of the cutest straight accounting boys and IT geeks from other lift lobby. There's just something adorably cute about them. Those tight ass wrapped in tight tight pants is enough to make on cream - the air about them, totally naive and not realising that they are so cute. Well, this is as far as fetish go because most likely than not when they talk, you will be turned off there and then. Then again also, most of them are not into the same thing that I like. Like Cookie (she's such a wise o girl when it comes to ppl's affair), they are geeky and so straight acting that they would be afraid of any strain of gayness in them that they would probably run five miles from it. I think they would even die if they dare mention the word gay. I am like so rolling my eyes at people who go like...people like us..plu..I am like what the fuck? When do you realise you are a plu? helo, it's no secret club. You are gay. Use the word gay. Fuck PLU and all those secret code. You love sucking cock. Enough said. I am gay. Does that make you shudder? I am GAY GAY GAY GAY. GAY AS A PINK FLAMINGO. GAYER THAN GAYDAR. Gay and fabulous. Yes, are you afraid someone might overheard? Gay, gay, gay. No act.

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Isnt it tiresome to pretend to be something that you are not? Whats with straight act, gay act, what shit act? If we have so many actors here in Malaysia, should we be winning Oscars by now? I should be getting a Tony for Lifetime Achievement because my life is such a joke. But at least I am being true to myself. True to everyone that can accept it. But then again, I am quite lucky. Reading alot about others who had problems or encounters with straight and homophobic colleagues, I have none of those shits since they just assume I am gay. Truly truly lucky. Truly truly lucky that my friends all know about my sexuality. I have been free for so long, I can't remember those days when I am not out.

But at the end of the day, it's not about shouting it to the rooftop. There's a fine line between announcing and ashamed. No one should be ashamed of their sexuality. It goes as bad and as far as worrying what others might think for eg: why is he always hanging out with that guy and thus denying oneself of chances for happiness. Sure, career and all that counts but at the end of the day, does it worth sacrifcying (shit, thats wrong spelling) what you truly desire? For those who are in that kind of shit, I wish them luck. It's your life. I chosed mine. I am gay and gay(happy, duh).

Now I just have to find someone who is comfortable with his sexuality as I am. I have a sneaky feeling he would be one of those chain smoking, swearing, bitchy and gila type. Well...not like I am not but anyway....

Right, Cookie if you are reading I am going to tell you the improper news since you claim to read only the proper stuff. How and what you read is beyond me. Queen Bitch bought those beer with honey. Thats what I wanted to tell you. Since I am on announcing mode, I think I have been treated like a economy class cabin crew lately by ungrateful sister (with sister like that...WHO NEEDS A SISTER ANYMORE?), so pls tell that Fei Mui that she can shove everything up whereever he wants. Better still, he can sleep with the OTHER plan and I won't fucking give a fucking rat fucking ass. Oh yeah, tell LPP not to be bothered with getting him anything from CP. Have a fucking Christmas. Yes, I am fucking angry and it's no joke. Why? tell me why bother thinking of what to buy one two months beforehand, doing research and finding the best deal and waking up, checking emails, and all those hoola just to buy them something which they go like..ermm..can I refund? Tell me why would anyone want to subject themselves to that kind of shit? It's only me. I am queen of shit, thats why.

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darn ed said...

hmmmm ..... anything i that can butt in and smoothen the edges out ? hmmmm ...

nyonyapenang said...

ya, it's your life - live and be happy.