Need To Feel Loved

Of late, I realised and also due to the confirmation from dear o'Cookie that I have been nothing but a man-crazy maniac. Or least that's what I came across as. Apparently I was never like that. Or so he believes. Apparently as well I have always been a strong black woman (inside of course *snap fingers*) who doesn't need a fella to make me happy and always look at the brighter side of life. Always been focussed on my work and my friends. That's what he think. Also apparently it seems that now that I have nabbed myself the dream job, I seemed to be shifting my attention to men - just to have it all.

I really didn't think it was that obvious. Sure, I have always been man-crazy but surely of late, it's nothing out of the ordinary. It's still the same dose, perhaps a little more as age approaches, I mean what excuse do I have anymore? There was always something to do (study, work and stuff) but now it seems that everything is in place, so it's matter of waiting for someone to come and complete it all. But seriously, can we have it all? Some people do. Some people don't. As you go single day in day out, year in and year out, you will start to believe perhaps this thing called love is not for everyone. What comes so effortlessly to some is a art to master for others. No matter what degree of effort you put on it, at the end of the day it is very much boil down to luck. Seven years of rejection is now a lifestyle.

What makes it scarier is the fact that TWO, not ONE but TWO so called fortune teller has told me this: I have no worries when it comes to monies and career but I will have nothing when it comes to love. Even if it comes, it will be of turburlence style - hit hard, come and go fast. I know that one shouldn't just rely on luck and providence but it's certainly something that I have completely no control of. I can't help but wondered if what was said is indeed true because it has been proven in the past. Then there were some who said, if you give up on hope, then it will never come and you need to do this and that etc etc to get a fella and all those bla bla bla bla while others said you shouldn't do anything at all. Too many rules it seems to me.

Like an addiction, perhaps this is something that I need to get over. It's not easy, after all it's as basic as the need to feed and sleep. We are all programmed this way, our primitive brain that doesn't listen to facts and reasoning - just go by instinct and need. The need to be loved. The need to belong. The need to know that you have someone. Maybe it's just me or the overomantized ideas injected to me over the years - no thanks to books and movies.


I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

It's true Joni, I really don't know love at all.

P.s. just to highlight how minging life can be - all my accounts which has been handed-over are now considering doing TVC, apparently more budget. Rolleyes.