of being idle, yes and that's what I have been up to. Really. Going back to basic really doing nothing at all for the entire holiday. Well, was at work for awhile. It's like how Cookie said, when I was working I can't wait for a break and on the very first of the break, I was longing for some work. I guess there's no pleasing to me at all. I have fallen back to the old ways. Not really caring about myself and my life. I have been back smoking as well. At one point I told myself, what is the point to all these? Does it matter if you don't wake up tomorrow? Days were spent mainly in mall, wandering aimlessly. Buying something just ease the boredom for a second and two.
While I am settling into sleeping late and waking up equally as late and eating crap, I remembered what the dear o girl Cookie said about life. I have always believe in looking at other's and finding comfort - life could have been worst. I used to tell that girl over and over again that comparing ourselves to the less fortunate, we are really better off. But the girl is right when she said that she's tired of doing that. Why can we compare our life to someone better off? Why must we always find solace in the midst of our troubles in other's misery instead of being given good things in life so that we don't have to compare to the inferior to make life slighty tolerable? Why is life unfair? I wished I have all the answers. But as I ponder more into it, I think that is life.
Life is about phases. Life is about waiting and learning. Life is about learning to fall uphill and swimming without lifejacket. It has always been a mad rush. My parent's couldn't wait to have me. I couldn't wait to get back to KL and live with them. Can't wait to finish primary school. Can't wait to finish high school. Can't wait to go college and have all the fun. Can't wait to work. Can't wait to have better paying job. Can't wait to get my own place. Can't wait. Probably can't wait to die as well. Really, that person who said that it was the journey and not the destination that counts is really a wise person.
Looking back at my so called journey through life (it's a cringeworthy phrase but hey I am no good at this), there were plenty of milestones. Things that count and still counting...
1. My first phone and my first iPod
God knows how much I wanted those gadgets when I was younger and earn nothing. I know all about the items. I read the reviews. I kept them and I told myself, one day I will get them. And I did. Oddly, I remembered most about getting them and not about using them.
2. My first Tiffany
Another reminder of dreams coming true if you work hard enough. The most I have paid for a piece of jewellery but it meant alot to me. I am a romantic fool but a happy one. I even had the printout posted on my monitor for nearly a year before I had the courage to get one.
3. My white Zara leather shoe
I lost my heart to an overpriced pair of shoes. I saw the black version first and thought it was fine but when I feast on eyes on the white pair...there and then I knew I must have it no matter what. I was so happy for ages. It's crazy, I know one day the shoe will be gone but I will always remember it.
4. My Paul Smith shoe, Phantom programme book and my Guess candy stripe shirt and motherland
Mr ex. He bought me the shoes because he knew I really love it even though he wouldn't have spend that obscene kind of money on himself. He said I looked great in my candy stripe shirt (of course I didn't say that I know, which is why I bought it at the first place) and finally the whole locks of motherland. I think during that very short time, he did loved me. I was really happy.
5. My Sex & The City: Kiss and Tell Book
I remember working 4 hours a day waiting tables and how did I spent all the money? Ordering a fabulous pink hardcover book from ebay. But it was worth every feet ache.
6. My Ralph Lauren's Romance
Oh Mr C, Mr C, how can I ever forget you. I wondered if he has forgotten me.
7. My namecard
It was the darkest time of my life - I told myself one day, I will see my name printed on that card. And now it is. I must never forget how hard it was to be where I am today. Never forget.
8. My friends
What else is there to say? Everyone has a different definition when it comes to friends. Some think they are disposable. Some call their enemies as friend...really all twisted and rude and misuse of the word friend. Friends to me are those who forgive me for all the wrong that I did. And I forgive them vice versa. We accept each another's fault. We know that it's okay when some bail out for outing because one party or the other is too lazy to drive. We know it's okay to be unhappy and couldn't give a toss about each another sometimes. We know we can always come to each another. We know when one loves Paul Smith and the other is crazy about airplanes or properties or whatever the new flavour of the month could be. We know we can depend on each another. We know what we lack in number counts in quality. We love each another.
Seriously, Cookie is right. I should stop comparing myself to others. Just look at myself and what I have. It's enough. For a boy who have everything, he doesn't need anything more. Maybe just that Gucci belt.
And here's my baby