Despair, desire, despair...SOOO MANY MONSTERS!

I used to be lunatic from the gracious days

Ah, no, I have not fallen deep into the depths of despair but rather I am enjoying every moment of it. Why should we all be happy all the time? Someone told me if we are happy all the time, how would we know what is happiness and learn to appreciate it? In fact I was just reading this and there was a chapter on this imaginary land whereby everyone is so beautiful. Beautifuly dull. One ugly cow actually bumped into that la la land and became the worshipped item.

The lesson? Go and book a ticket to somewhere with loads of ugly people and you will be happy for the rest of your life? Actually, I believe in standing next to uglier people to make myself look prettier. Sad. I know. So what is wrong with me? Nothing. What is right with me. Nothing.

I like this stage of not right or not wrong. Is this how it feels to be on crack? (nope, I am not on any...in any case, I couldn't afford any of those shit) I am neither happy or unhappy. I am not depressed. I am actually enjoying this crackwhore state that I am in very much.

So what do crackwhore do anyway? Well...still need to make a living I guess. Been reading and buying [1] [2] and listening to lots of stuff. Mainly some banshee stuff. Really, one shouldn't waste any cents on poptarts these days. Going through it is torturing - girl, you don't preach female empowerment while showing off your clit.

I wished I am like really smart. I wished that I can like write really well and even though there are many thoughts flowing in that small brain of mine, why can't I string together something thought provoking and beautiful? I wished I earn more. I wished I can buy more. I wished I am learning more. There's just so much in the world that I don't and can't see. If this lifetime enough to see and learn everything? Why should I waste my precious time whining over lost and unrequited love when there's just oh so much more to this life than that?

I fucking love this line - the language is leaving me...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Everyone should attempt reading Virginia Woolf once or twice. Don't just rely on the ripoff from Michael Cunningham's The Hours.

Comments

William said…
Du bi dub dub dub, ah hah....

Annie Lennox?

You love grey areas, don't you?
darn ed said…
I kinda like The Hours wor. How ?
Anonymous said…
outward looking?
not inward anymore.

- "I wished I am learning more. There's just so much in the world that I don't and can't see. If this lifetime enough to see and learn everything? Why should I waste my precious time whining over lost and unrequited love when there's just oh so much more to this life than that?"

that is very true. remember to keep improving or get outmoded by others! daniel you make me so proud of you! don't ask me why it is.
Las montañas said…
If we only will lift up our heads and open our eyes, the world is there for our picking.
thompsonboy said…
darn ed...I fucking hope you are not talking about the movie...
savante said…
Wah, another picture of a smoking woman! How do you find all those?
Anonymous said…
"The truth seems to be that many femmes are still plagued by the Bridget Jones syndrome: the perpetual search for a man, but not just any man. I like to call it the Waiting for Mr. Darcy syndrome, or WMD"

eh? it immediately reminded me of you relating to your previous post.

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